Monthly Archives: October 2017

Your Relationships – In Balance

Here we are not just talking about romantic relationships, but all of our relationships, family, friends and lovers! To live in harmony with others, we have to have balance of openness and understanding within our selves first!

We can love someone with all of our heart, but if there is no reciprocal balance of openly giving and receiving, it will never be in harmony.

Our Reflections.

We attract people who match us, whether that is a love relationship, or friends, they will mirror us, which is why we come together in the first place! When we first meet, we are happy to find someone with the same ideas and similar goals, and we tend to stick like glue for a while.

Then we may start to see things within this person that we don’t like, but these are also elements of ourselves, it is interesting to study the people close to us with these facts in mind. What you love about them, are qualities that either you have, or would like to have within your self, what you don’t like, is usually what you don’t like, or hide within your self. (hard fact to swallow).

So you see, for us to have a wonderful blissful relationship, first we must become real about ourselves, because if we struggle with certain things, then we will attract someone with the same problems, but if we accept our self, we will then accept others.

Romantic Relationships Are Tough.

Unfortunately we don’t choose who we fall in love with, it would be a lot easier if we could get some sort of forecast or prediction, right? But once we are in love, then we would not listen anyway! As the Saying goes – “love is blind!”

We should take notice of the first signs that hit the bottom of the stomach with a thud, we usually end up saying ‘I knew that all along’!

For any relationship to work, both parties have to be open and willing from the heart, not just when we feel like it, or when we can put in some sort of effort in to saying the right words, but always. True love feelings, whether they be for a family member, friend or a lover, is when you feel emotion, and when you project this emotion to them, they are able receive it, because they are equally connected to you! Emotion simply means, energy in motion!

Open Heart.

Most of us have experienced this at some point. When we meet someone new, and we are besotted with each other, nothing else matters, and we are in tune with each other. Unfortunately that intimacy, and heart-felt love seems to get swept away somewhere, it is not because it has died, but life gets in the way and we forget to feel!

If we have a great feeling and want to share it, but our partner or friend does not receive it because of a barrier they have, they are not open, they are closed to us and our feelings! Now we reel backwards, and our feelings are rejected! It will never work! A relationship must feel alive in your heart, you must be able to feel each other! Without this deep connection, it’s like a sad agreement you have both made, just to share space!

Work On You!

Learn to become the real you, get to know who you really are. Be willing to open your heart and be real with your feelings, then you will attract to you, people with the same qualities. Your family and friends will be affected by your new open lightness, and they will either grow too, or they will move away for a while, but your growth will trigger them to acknowledge things within themselves, share your growth and understanding where you can.

Teenagers and Boundaries in Relationships

Today’s teenagers are generally considered as being egoistic, uncaring, and insolent spoilt brats who do not own any redeeming qualities whatsoever. Contrary to the sceptics amongst us, this perception of teenagers is completely wrong in the majority of instances. Talk to your teen, on his or her level, about sensitive issues or family feud questions that need to be talked about within the family, and you will see that your son or daughter does rely on you, as a parent for guidance, and to ensure domestic tranquility. It is never too soon to start talking about sensitive topics, however, it can regrettably be far too late.

You may be pleasantly surprised to find that your teen really wants you to establish boundaries within the family. They may chew at the bit for a short time, but they’re really just trying you out to see how serious you really are about the boundaries you’ve set to ensure domestic tranquility. So whatever you do, stick to your guns!

Our children need to know, and they deserve to know where their parents stand on matters such as sex, drugs, alcohol, dating, and other topics. At the same time, they also need to know that you care about their concerns and thoughts. You ought to talk about matters with your teenagers, not just give them a list of rules they must follow to the letter, because we say so! Kids of all ages need some freedom to explore and grow, and all the while parents need to make sure that their teenage children can approach them to discuss anything whatsoever. If you cannot do that, there are enough outside influences just waiting to take your place.

* Tell your kids what you require of them both at home and in public.

* Respect them as the independent, young adults that they are and they will be a lot more respectful of you.

* If they need to unload on you or confide in you, be positive when they do approach you with problems or concerns.

It’s natural your teen will have queries about topics that they are interested in, and it is important that you never make your teen feel like their comments are stupid or their thoughts immature and don’t ignore these matters. Always be up front and be completely honest with them and express your concerns and share your experience with the subjects at hand. This is parent and teenager bonding at its best.

A great way to address your teenager’s problems, even before they rise to the surface is to practice with your partner asking questions your teen might ask you. Then discuss and find the answers that will cover their fears or concerns. By doing this, you will be prepared and will be better equipped to enter into a dialogue with your teenager when the situation arises. For obvious reasons, you don’t want your child to think his, or her, parents are making fun of them, so only indulge in role play when you are alone with your partner.

Now and again teens will ask questions at the most inappropriate time, much like a toddler will. Try not to be caught off guard too much. Be forthright with them rather than pushing the question to the side. Take the matter up at the time, rather than being forced to contradict any information they get from their friends, at a later date, or anyone else who are more than happy to talk with them about it.

Let your teenager know if you don’t feel comfortable discussing a particular topic, but emphasize that your relationship is more important than a little bit of discomfort. They may be uncomfortable bringing the subject up as well. Remember, you don’t have to spell out every single detail of your own puberty to your child, but using examples and lessons you have learned along the way should confirm that you wasn’t born the other side of the dark ages!

Teenagers may think they know everything, but they don’t. They need to learn as they develop into adulthood. Bear in mind, your responsibility as a parent doesn’t just stop when your child crosses the threshold into adulthood. On the contrary. In actual fact you graduate to a whole new level in your relationship. Take every chance to talk with your teenager about sensitive issues, puberty, boundaries in relationships, family feud questions and establish boundaries. Do it now while they are still at home, and before it’s too late to have an influence on them.

Relationships Matter Most

Healthy relationships equal hope filled futures.

The CEO of a California mega firm PIMCO, a $2 trillion investment fund, resigned upon receiving a note from his daughter listing 22 milestones he had missed in her life. His most recently reported annual income was $100 million. His 10 year old daughter’s compelling list of the special moments where he was absent in her life was the turning point to bring a new balance in his work and family relationships. It was the teachable moment for Mr El-Erian.

El-Erian’s said his wake up call was, “My daughter compiled a list of her important events and activities that I had missed due to work commitments. The list contained 22 items, from her first day at school and first soccer match of the season to a parent-teacher meeting and a Halloween parade. I felt awful and got defensive: I had a good excuse for each missed event! Travel, important meetings, an urgent phone call, sudden to-do, but it dawned on me that I was missing an infinitely more important point… I was not making nearly enough time for her.”

El-Erian’s decision has brought better balance in his work/family relationships. He is now chief economic adviser with financial services company, Allianz, where he told Reuters he spends “50 percent of my time and I love it.”

He surrendered the good life for a much better life with less stress and more fulfillment in what matters most—right relationships. El-Erian has upgraded his “investment portfolio” which now prominently includes his daughter. This priceless investment will go on long after El-Rrian is gone to yield dividends for generations to come as well as fulfillment to serve all of them well.

Most young people today are among the majority who do not have a mother and father regularly in their life. Most do not have a mature adult relationship in their life. Their preoccupation is in their impersonal digital and game relationships which is void of personal nurturing relationships.

Family disintegration, absenteeism and the digital pseudo substitute fillers are taking an incalculable and generational toll on the health and well-being of this generation and those to follow. The economic, social, emotional, health, behavioral and addiction costs are having a tsunami impact on the well-being of our culture and nation.What threshold of “pain” and cost will it take for our wake up call?

C.S Lewis, a world class novelist said, “God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts to us in our pain; it is His megaphone that rouses a deaf world.” What it will take for the “deaf” to hear. As a fish desires what’s on the hook, we have no idea what is to come but feel more and more uncertain and aware of the fragility of life.

We are hooked suckers who take the bait. If we are still breathing it is not too late to spit out the hook. Ironically, we change our ways, not when we see the bait, but more often when we feel the “hook.” Not one of us picked our place of birth, nor do we control the variables that shape our future. Fulfillment comes from personal relationships which determine our significance and legacy. If we settle for anything less we are our own thief.

The priceless value of our worth was assigned by God from the beginning of time. When all is said and done, personal relationships with God and others matter most. We can be the difference we want to see in our communities. Seize today to show the better way in personal relationships that matter most.

Improved Confidence in Relationships

A fulfilling relationship can enrich your life, provide security, contentment, happiness and joy.

But what defines a good relationship? Well a relationship based on equality, in which you feel free to be yourself at all times and which also makes you feel good, is a start! Rewarding relationships are not about point scoring, you freely do things for the other person and they do the same for you. They should provide support thought the bad times and fun at all other times.

Obviously there are many different types of relationships; family, friends, colleagues and romantic relationships, and the dynamics are all slightly different. However the following 3 steps can help all relationships become stronger.

1. Never become dependent.

Have you ever fallen into the trap of ‘putting all your eggs in one basket?’ This often happens with first loves – the whole world now revolves around your new love, the feelings are immense, overwhelming and even a little scary. You want to spend every waking moment with that person, nothing else matters. It is easy to lose contact with friends, see your family less and then if the relationship ends or sours you are left vulnerable, alone and a little lonely. You then need to go back to the drawing board and put in the effort to resurrect the old friendships and develop new ones, to provide much needed support.

This can happen at any time, in any relationship and it is essential for your confidence, and for strong relationships, to maintain some outside interests. See your friends regularly, make time for family, pursue hobbies without your partner. Of course I’m not saying you shouldn’t try to develop mutual interests, but just don’t lose your own identity. After all that is what attracted your partner or friends in the first place!!

2. Stand up for what you believe in – never be afraid of a disagreement.

There are times when you want to avoid confrontation, disagreements or full blown arguments, so you keep your opinions to yourself and simply agree with the other person. This is not necessarily wrong – if you can’t be bothered to argue over what to watch on telly, then fine!

But when it comes to the more fundamental aspects of your beliefs, desires and opinions, always express what you think. A good debate or even argument can stimulate a relationship, keep it fresh, and open channels of communication..Put your opinions across in a non confrontational way – being assertive is very, very different to being arrogant or aggressive. Always listen carefully to the other persons views and never resort to personal insults. Where appropriate, try to find compromise, not win the argument.

Stay focused on the issue. Arguing about one topic or event is fine but do not bring in old disagreements. The fact your boyfriend came home late and drunk last year is not relevant to today’s disagreement about where to go on holiday!

3. Don’t become complacent.

A relationship can become stale, boring and seem like more of a chore that a pleasure if you don’t put in the effort to keep it vibrant. Endeavour to do something nice for the other person at least once a week, and without expecting anything in return. Run a hot bath for your partner, cook your friends or family a delicious lunch or help a colleague use that new system.

Be inventive and don’t throw money at it. While gifts are great occasionally, small thoughtful gestures are much more effective in improving relationships.

Taking a time out now and again can bring new depths to a relationship – take a short break without your partner, don’t contact colleagues or friends when you are on holiday, and always make some time out just for yourself.