Monthly Archives: September 2017

The Significance Of Family Law

The ever famous quote, “The only permanent thing in the world is change,” may be over used but it is true. Two people who may be very much in love today and so determined to get married and have a family can never be sure of how they are going to be in a few years time. They may be on very good terms today but they could also be the greatest enemies at some point of their lives. Because of this, family law is very important in today’s society. It may not be able to keep a family intact when their individual differences are tearing them apart but it is can help in giving them a civil and responsible end to the relationship.

Family law covers the legal concerns in a couple’s marriage especially when they find it necessary to divorce. A family lawyer will educate both parties about the consequences of divorce and their responsibilities. Family law covers the legal partition of conjugal properties in a way so that the separating parties do not have to fight over it and have an even more intense misunderstanding.

In case the separating parties have children, family law also gives their children security for their future. It defines to parents their responsibilities, like child support and child custody. It gives them the obligation to perform their responsibilities as parents and not to let their children live in a tormented “broken family” type of situation. It obliges parents to secure their children’s future by still providing for their necessities and other family needs. In case one of the parents decide to marry again, family law also covers prenuptial agreements which gives protection to his or her assets and makes sure that they are rightfully given to the children when the right time comes. It guarantees the security of the children’s future.

Even after divorce, the children should have the right to meet the family that they came from. They deserve to know who their relatives are or who their grandparents are. Family law covers grandparents’ rights, as well. If you have a good family lawyer, despite having gone through a divorce you will be guaranteed that you and your ex-partner are still be able to enjoy a peaceful civil relationship. Your children will not be as deeply affected by your marital fate.

Domestic violent is a common problem. Because of this, family law ensures protection for every member of the family – especially the children. It serves as a shield against emotional and physical abuse. It gives restraining orders to those who threaten you and your children. It gives PFA, or Protection for Abuse, orders to those who are being threatened.

Family law is very significant in protecting families; a wife, a husband and their children can never be certain about what their lives will be like in the future. Whether you have a good family relationship right now or not, it is best to get family law advice to guarantee yourself and your family security for your future.

Family Marriage Counseling

Family marriage counseling is based on the premise that individual symptoms can be cured by improving communication skills and conflict-resolution patterns within the overall household. There are many initial reasons why a family may seek out a family marriage counselor. Perhaps an unruly teen is acting out violently in school, abusing drugs, self-harming or binge eating.

Other times, a couple may be locked into a destructive pattern of domestic violence, unable to resolve differences or encountering disputes over child rearing. Regardless of the initial reason, certified counselors will give each member of the family a fresh perspective on how their words and actions influence others.

A professional who is licensed in marriage and family counseling is someone who is trained in psychotherapy and family systems, as well as someone who is licensed to diagnose and treat mental disorders. On average, family and marriage therapists will have thirteen years or more of clinical practice in their field and hold a Master’s or Doctoral degree in marriage therapy and family counseling. Since 1970, the number of marriage family counselors has burgeoned from 237 to 23,000, who are licensed in 48 states and are actively treating more than 1.8 million people.

Studies show that clients of family marriage counseling are extremely satisfied with these services, with 98% citing their sessions as either “good” or “excellent” (Doherty & Simmons). They report improvement in work productivity, coworker relationships, family relationships, spousal relationships, as well as improved community social lives.

Almost 90% of those receiving treatment reported an improvement in emotional health and two-thirds reported an improvement in their overall physical health. In cases of child deviance, 73.7% of the cases resulted in improvement in parent-child relationships, improved child behavior and improved school performance. In cases of physical or mental illness, substance abuse and disruptive behavior, certified counselors can be a huge asset.

Kids and teens often act out in strange ways; taking drugs, falling sullen, expressing anxiety, eating too much or too little, engaging in premature sexual activity, acting out in school or acting disobediently towards their parents. Often, their parent’s reaction to this sort of behavior can exacerbate the situation, even though most parents just want what is best for their child. According to the Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, family marriage counseling has demonstrated profound effectiveness in the areas of conduct disorders, substance abuse, depression, anxiety, eating disorders and understanding attention problems.

Interracial Relationships

A White Guy’s Experience

You either approve of it or you don’t. But when the rubber meets the road it really doesn’t matter what you think. It’s each person’s job to mind their own business. It’s not the place for anyone to tell another person who they should love or date.

Black and white couples make the most beautiful kids and they know no prejudice. They have the best of both worlds. Look at the Rock the former wrestling champion turned actor and Mariah Carey. Both of these mixed race people are good looking people. But despite all of the positives we still get negative feed back and smart Alec remarks and reaction from the public.

If you really want to see what kind of prejudice is in a persons heart, just get seen dating a black person. As soon as they see it and open their mouth all that hate will come rolling out. Now for most people it’s not a matter of hating the other race, it’s just a matter of hating seeing the other race mixing with our own. But if its not happening to them then they need to keep quiet and if they don’t like what they see then they need to look in the other direction and there won’t be a problem.

White guys get a lot crap from dating black girls, but white girls get a whole lot more crap. You get a lot of crap from family and friends and some people get disowned. It’s like if you’re not doing what they approve of and you’re not doing things their way then they don’t want anything to do with you.

To them they are right and you are wrong, even though you may have a beautiful sexy black girlfriend and they have a fat ugly wife with a figure like an egg with legs. Their ugly wife is shaped like the planet Jupiter and is about the same size, but they still have to nerve to bad mouth you for having a pretty girlfriend with a tan.

How do I know this you ask because I’ve done been their and done that many times. It’s happened to me over and over again.I was dating a black girl and every friend I had but two evaporated instantly.

That was in the early 80s and they haven’t spoken to me since. These were friends that would spend the night and go out and party all the time and we would drive each others cars. We’ll I learned they weren’t my friends and they found out that I wasn’t their puppet. My other two friends moved away, so all these years I just stayed to myself and said to heck with friends.

It is hard to date or marry interracial when you take into account the problems that family and friends will give you. It’s harder in some communities than in others. It’s tough if you live in an all white neighborhood because there are some really prejudiced people there.

Don’t get me wrong, they are good people, but when it comes to black and white mixing they are your enemies, because you are not doing things their way. But it’s a lot easier in a mixed community if you’re a mixed couple; it’s not as noticeable there.

Interracial relationships are not for the faint hearted or wuss bags, or people that worry what everyone else is thinking. Now, other people will put on their friendly hey how you doing face in front of you and then tear you apart behind your back.

But some will just tell you to your face what they think. I say yeah like their paying some your bill of something. It’s much simpler to stay with your own race and much less strife. You won’t be dealing with crap from your family or friends, and no back stabbing or gossip.

A lot of people date another race for the wrong reasons, some just so they can brag about it and others just to find out what it’s like to have sex with them. This is lust not love. People like me already know what its like is so if I ever dated another back woman it wouldn’t be to see what its like, it would be for love.

But if you do ever meet a nice person of another race and fall in love, then what do you do? You follow your heart that’s what you do. They say love is blind and that is a true statement. The two parties involved in the relationship are blind to the interracial dilemma. But the butt holes of the world can still see and cast their opinions and insults right and left.

But the truth is outside of family and friends giving you a problem there is no problem with dating a person of another race. It’s the same as all other relationships. Family and friends are a deciding factor in whether you succeed or fail. It’s how you deal with it that counts and are you ready for the confrontations to come. Sure their will always be an exception to the rule and you will find that one in a million family that’s OK with it. But when it comes down to it its no body’s business but yours and your partners.

The Funny Face of Family

Remember the old shows Ozzie and Harriet, Leave it to Beaver or Father Knows Best? In their time, these TV series defined what family was for an entire nation: a family was white, middle class, had a dad and a mom and charming children. All problems were resolved in half an hour with a few commercial breaks — no one cussed, spat or got a tattoo. But family is dynamic and the face of family is constantly morphing these days. With half a million children in foster care, 200,000 a year being adopted, over one million interracial families, many two-mommy and two-daddy households, and one in three Americans reported as being members of step-families, our sense of family is shifting dramatically.  Nontraditional families are now the norm.

Taking all this in means we may have to make some internal adjustments. Recently a dear friend observed that I didn’t have a family, because in her mind family meant someone who’s raising children. It took me so much by surprise at the time that I had to take a day or two to prepare a comeback!

Our sense of family lives deep within us. It is a necessity, a drive that most of us never question. We simply make it happen, however we can and wherever we are. It is a compelling expression of self. That doesn’t mean, by the way, that we always do it well or that we thoroughly enjoy every minute of it! And it also doesn’t mean that our definition of what makes a family is always in step with reality. In fact many times our concept is at odds with reality, causing us to miss out on some of the most comforting aspects of this unique way of belonging.

These days, with relationships often in flux and evolving in variety, we may have to work hard to claim our sense of family. The language is changing as new families lay claim to more empowering words to describe themselves. Step families are now as likely to be called “blended families.”  Before you dismiss this as window dressing or political correctness, just think about what it was like for children to hear themselves being referred to as coming from a “broken home.” Broken things don’t work, broken things are not good things, and broken things get thrown away. The language we hear and use shapes how we see ourselves; it builds our identity. Children soak up the language they hear. Parents who know this and want the best for their children must choose wisely the words they embrace for their own. And they must find experiences and books and activities that underscore for their children that they, too, belong — that their kind of family, whatever it may be, is whole and worthy, and that they have a rightful place in society.

At my last birthday party, with many friends, family and extended family members in attendance, a friend came to me in tears saying she was concerned for her oldest child. She thought he might be gay and she was in a panic for how she could help him feel good about himself. “What can I give him to read?” she pleaded. “What’s out there for his age group that is appropriate?” If she hadn’t been in such distress I would have hugged her for not blaming herself or him, and for not caring in the least what the neighbors might think. Instead I tapped a book editor friend who quickly dredged up the goods on the right books. There aren’t tons out there, but they are getting better and better all the time. And I’m proud to have a friend who cares more about her son’s happiness than his sexual orientation.

For some time I was a volunteer teacher in a state prison and witnessed firsthand that, even in the absence of blood relationships, family happens. Not surprisingly the same dysfunctional patterns that prisoners experienced in their own homes is often replayed in the prison setting. But sometimes the experience of being locked up gives a person time for insight into her own history and she ends up consciously choosing to find better ways of being in relationship to others. I saw these inmates building true and lasting, though unconventional, familial ties. Allison*, serving a life sentence along with another family member, found she had to rely more on herself to define what it meant to be a whole person. She could not just accept what her blood relatives told her she should do or should be. She gradually became her own parent, in effect, at the same time cultivating a compassionate attitude toward her kin.

We need a sense of self; we need others. Finding our “others” can be the greatest joy and carries the biggest emotional price tag of our lives. It is fundamental to our well being and deserves our utmost attention. Doing it well, whatever our particular family mix, means a happier us, healthier family members, and very likely a safer planet. So if your family has a funny face, choose good words to describe it! Laugh at that funny face and be proud that you were able to create it. Teach your children, your parents and your siblings that what they put into family is what they will get out of it. And put good things into it yourself. I invite you to notice who your family is, and don’t be surprised to find they don’t always share your last name or your DNA.